Understanding my autism

*pics have no reference to what I’m saying I just thought I’d post some of my favourite ones I’ve captured*

I’d only discovered I was on the spectrum at 21. I was diagnosed when I was 6 but the doctor said it wasn’t serious and people closest to me didn’t want me to be labelled through school.

Because I’d only found out this information as an adult I felt overwhelmed and upset. I also felt embarrassed, I still now haven’t told all of my family and friends. I’m only now starting to come to terms with it myself and understand it.

Looking back now, I understand some of my moods and reactions and things finally make sense about myself, I didn’t accept it at first and I was angry. I really struggled growing up with my anger, I would have raging breakdowns and was bullied a lot for not understanding certain ‘jokes’ etc. I also didn’t get any help at school and staying concentrated was a no for me, I didn’t enjoy one class (maybe art but soon I lost interest in that too) I sometimes feel like if everyone had known growing up including my mum (who didn’t know) I may of got the help I needed in my education and communication.

As I’ve suffered with depression from a very young age I always put it down to that, which obviously didn’t help but it all fits in now.

I’ve lived with depression and anxiety for so many years and I still don’t really understand it, *especially the anxiety I wish my thoughts would just calm down now and then* but finding out I was autistic made me realise a lot about myself and who I was and why I do so many odd things (odd to other people)

I do have OCD traits and I’ve always been weird with my food touching, tastes, textures and smells. I don’t really get most jokes and I like to know everything beforehand, change doesn’t bother me to much as long as I am in control. If it’s something I haven’t changed myself then I get worried. I don’t like to get to close to people as it makes me uncomfortable.

I do sometimes feel alone and I don’t really like to point out or mention that I am ASD because it just doesn’t seem right after as an adult. I know I’m writing it here but it feels more natural writing it than saying it, blogging and writing really helps me and keeps me concentrated as I can get creative. I also love to scrapbook and take photos of what’s around me.

I’m still coming to terms with my autism and that’s fine, I would like to reach out to other ASD people one day, but who knows. Everyday I take as a new challenge and try and better my mental health ~ it’s took me a long time to say this but I will get there!

Thank you to my followers (I know I’m a newbie) Likers and if you read this very long random blog post. It means a lot.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s